it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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