There is no way he is gay with that hair.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
