i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
