would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
