Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
