she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
