It's like God shit irony all over that family
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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