my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
