is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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