A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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