I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
