dude i'm inner monologue high
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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