i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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