I'm sorry my penis didn't work
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
