Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
