I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
