You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
