I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
