If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm really busy with my period
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