I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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