I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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