ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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