No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
