We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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