Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
