he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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