I don't think brook has ever known best
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
