does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Yo dont text me then not text me
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
