you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
