All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
