Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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