I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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