this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
