it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
