Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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