Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
