so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
