i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Barsexuality is the new black.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
