So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
