I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize