i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
