Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
