how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
