he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize