wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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