I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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