Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
