No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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