Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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