after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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