We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I have surprise drugs for everyone
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize