I'm going to jail i love you
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
