From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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