i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
