i think my tv is drunk
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
