Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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