i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
