I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize