So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
