i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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