I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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