I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Congratulations! We have a period
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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