when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
