Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
