we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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