found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
