ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
