her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
