It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
