If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
