i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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