Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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