how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
