Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Randomize
