Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
