she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
