My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize